I’ve been very seriously considering converting for a long time, but there are a couple of problems.
- I’m covered neck to ankle in self harm scars, really prominent and obvious ones. I can wear longsleeved shirts and pants but I don’t necessarily want to be doing that during the summer, and I also don’t want to feel like I have to hide this very obvious thing about myself around my community
- I’m actually still self harming (have been for over a decade) and despite therapist’s help and medication, I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to stop.
- I have around 70 tattoos, also all over my body. I’m perfectly willing to stop getting tattoos, but … the ones that are already there are, y’know, permanent. More importantly, during my confused teenager phase, I ended up tattooing a cross on myself (I was raised Russian Orthodox Christian and was looking for some kind of identity, idk). It’s small, but it on one of my fingers. I don’t want it any more for obvious reasons, but would it be worse to tattoo over it ?
From what I’ve read so far #1 and #3 (besides the cross tattoo, it looks like I’m the only person dumb enough to have that problem) are things that would prohibit me from converting, but I don’t want to not belong, and I wanna know if most people will see me as not belonging.
As for #2, can I even convert if I’m self harming and unable to stop ? I would certainly never go around with fresh new wounds out in the open for everyone to see, but I have a Feeling that just because something is hidden doesn’t mean it’s permissible.
Edit: I know different denominations may have different opinions on this stuff, so I’d specify if I could, but I’m not sure which one is right for me, other than Orthodox, since as I understand it, as a trans man I wouldn’t really be able to transition socially or medically.