I think I’m going to put my conversion on hold.

At least for now.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been wrestling with the idea of putting my conversion on hold until I feel my personal level of observance is adequate. I don’t eat pork or shellfish, but I otherwise don’t eat kosher, I don’t pray often, and I barely rest on Shabbat. I feel as if I should live life at least somewhat consistent with what Conservative Judaism teaches before I make it official.

I spoke to my rabbi about it before Shabbat and they said that conversion is a personal process. There is no set time before someone feels they’re ready. In my case, it could take only a few months, a year, or even 10. As long as I’m on this journey, I’ll be welcome in the community and am a full part of it.

Until that day comes (whenever that may be) I suppose I’m a Ben Noach by default. I’ve ordered a payer book for Noahides and will continue building up my observance and involvement in my community.