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I fear admitting my religion

Hello , im a 18 y old jew from France and my whole Life i tried to get away from my own religion because i always ever Heard only extremely negative thing about « people like us » and yeah I faced antisemitism my whole childhood and I fought against it but in the end they succeded to make me not Even think about judaism because i fear the consequences ( mostly being killed for it ). Now I realise i was a coward, and its disrespect in a way to the people that died while never submitting to other’s beliefs and I respect it to much to keep pushing away my cultural heritage. I think the fact I dont believe in god for now is heavily driven by this , but i want to learn about it now . Can I talk about about it to a local rabbi ?

Thanks , i love how warm this community is you are all very strong and my cowardice truly ashame me, it was never a solution.

submitted by /u/Maleficent-Fennel-18
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Source: Reditt