This is going to sound like a ramble, and I guess it is. I’ve grown significantly in observance these last two years. I would say at this point I am observant but still not orthodox. This was the first year I actually properly celebrated Shavuot. I went to shul and heard the ten commandments, I studied Torah, I ate cheesecake (lol). I really enjoyed and splendored in the holiday. But today, I worked. I am finding it really annoying that in this phase of my journey, I spend a lot of time thinking of what I’m not doing vs. what I actually did do (for the first time nonetheless!). It seems like I’m on a path of “if it’s not orthodox, it won’t be good enough” and even though rationally I don’t believe that, emotionally I feel kinda tired by own circles of thought.
I know there’s a lot of wisdom beyond the ordinary “be proud of yourself” here, so looking forward to it!
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