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doubting my decision to convert??

this is going to be so long, i’m sorry. i’m an ethnic jew from my father’s family side, but i wasn’t unfortunately raised as one, because my grandma converted to catholicism after marrying my grandpa. i’ve always been interested in the history of the jewish people and their traditions since i was a kid (even tho i was never encouraged by my family) and then some years ago (im still sixteen) i started looking into conversion. my parents just told me i would have to wait until i was independent because we dont have a jewish community near us and they simply have no time/no desire to help me. so i just have to wait until i move out and then start conversion. but still, i’ve always suffered from a bIG religious identity crisis, being of jewish descent, growing up in a very catholic country, raised by an atheist and a buddhist (yikes my mom is one of those hippies) waiting for my eighteenth bday, i’ve looked into paganism and i found out i was pretty comfortable with worshipping different types of gods + the solitary and independent kind of practice, without strict rules but!!! i still struggle with the idea of worshipping in general and i change my idea often and i dont even know why because i always feel the urge to believe in and devote myself to a deity. i know this confusion originates from my age probably but it’s making me question if i really want to convert. i really want to be part of a jewish community officially, and i know that a lot of jews are atheist/agnostic too and still attend religious services, but i still feel it’s wrong, since i will keep practicing paganism (probably, bc like i said before i’m not really sure if i want to keep worshipping deities) i still have time of course, but i’ve been wanting to convert for a long time and it’s something really dear to me, i dont want to ruin because of my on going spiritual crisis.

submitted by /u/lun4rs
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Source: Reditt

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