Denied by the Rabbi: learning Jewish live on your own

Shalom aleykhem,

I’m in a bit of a shlimazel. My maternal family originates from East Prussia. My grandfather was son to Jewish parents. I am in the dark about my great grandparents’s fate. My grandfather grew up far from his birthplace and died early due to cancer in his 30s. At this time my mother was 7. She and my grandmother (who – to my knowledge – was catholic; also deceased by now) had a difficult relationship that led to my mother growing up in a (non-jewish) foster-home.

I have no documentation about my great grandparents being jewish. (Esp. since the area was evacuated and the Russians burned down whole villages towards the end of WWII.) All that I know I got from my mother and her older half brother which again were told by my grandparents.

So neither my mother nor me grew up Jewish. But about a year ago I discovered Judaism for myself as a religious and cultural lifestyle I am comfortable with. As a teenager I was struggling with place in the world (probably like everyone) but now, in my mid twenties, I found it in being a child of Israel.

I grew up in a rather secular environment. We had churches in my town, but barely anyone attented. The next jewish congregation was a 3h car ride away. I moved two times within the country and now I live in a city with a reform congregation. I tried to get in touch with them to explain my situation to them and discuss the topic of Giur. But the Rabbi and community leader turned me down right away and refused to talk to me, without even listening to my story. The next congregation from where I live now is a 2h car ride away.

It hit me hard but I didn’t want to give up. I want to learn Hebrew, I want to dive into the Scriptures and celebrate the Holidays. I already keep Kashrut and Sabbath and speak some Yiddish (and even understand a lot more). But it’s really hard to do on your own, especially with a full time job and long distance study.

So my whole story comes down to two questions: 1. Is there anything I can do about my status as a goy? 2. Like I said, learning Hebrew, the Mitzvot, how to celebrate the Holidays, the stories of the Tanakh, etc is really hard and overwhelming for a single person. Do you have tips how to handle or structure my Jewish learning?

Toda rabba to everyone who read to the end and maybe takes part in the discussion. She Elohim yevarach otha!