What are some good perspectives on modern Jewish fatherhood?

I’m a 40-year-old (Reform Jewish) dad of two kids and I’m leading a discussion session for other (heterosexual) Jewish dads in a month called “Modern Jewish Dad — Balancing Duties and Redefining Roles.”

To me, modern fatherhood is avoiding the gender defaults of our Boomer parents. It’s…

• Being a mensch at home
• Balancing supportive partnership and parenting roles with careers
• 50/50 split of household duties, or similar intentionality so that it’s not, like, 80/20 wife/husband by default
• Not being an aloof, unequal partner like Boomer dads often were

THE ASK:
Any modern or ancient Jewish writers to look at? Any specific texts to bring into the session?

Or do you have any personal stories or examples of either good or bad fatherhood?

The rest of this post is for people who want to argue with me:

1: There’s nothing 100%-inherently Jewish about this conception of modern fatherhood, but at least in my circle of Jewish and gentile friends, the 30-something and 40-something dads that seem to be the most modern and thoughtful are the Jewish ones. All our wives are degreed professionals, and even if they don’t work full-time, we don’t stick to gender defaults the way our Boomer parents did.

2: My point is not that anyone is doing marriage/parenting wrong. There are a million ways to be married and parent kids.

My point is that the gender defaults of our Boomer parents’ era are may not be super helpful, and being thoughtful about roles and duties is gonna make for happier marriages and raise better kids.

If you talk to a bunch of moms out there, you’ll hear a common frustration with how unplugged and unhelpful their husbands are. So much lands on women by default becuase that’s how marriage used to always be. And it doesn’t have to be that way.

3: Here’s a bit more about what I think it means to avoid gender defaults and find ways to share the load:

Examples: A modern dad knows the birth plan as well as his wife does. He helps his wife figure out how she’s going to pump at work. If she’s reading parenting books, he is, too. If she takes charge of buying the kids’ clothes, he takes charge of some other aspect of childcare. If she cooks, he cleans up. If she’s a stay-at-home mom (100% fine), he’s at least very plugged in and finding ways to give her breaks and carry the cognitive load.