Update- Post Abortion Breakup

I read each and every one of your comments and I want to thank you for everyone’s kind words. It really means a lot.

I also want to clear some things. There were some comments regarding maybe my ex was struggling with the abortion and didn’t want me to go through with it. However, My ex was the one who encouraged me to get an abortion. We both deep down didn’t want to but knew it was the right thing to do. I understand it must of been hard on him as well that’s why ive also been sensitive to how he was feeling. We clearly communicated how we felt throughout the entire thing. He expressed how much it kills him to see me go through this and vice versa.

Even if he was struggling with the abortion, that gives no excuse to abandon me. I haven’t heard from him and hasn’t checked up on me. I’m now left with a $600 medical bill because he said he would pay but now won’t. It’s fine it’s not about the money it’s about being a good person. It’s about being a man and taking responsibility. This is a Jewish guy living in a big modern orthodox community where his mom thinks his perfect son can do no wrong. That’s what makes me upset. He gets to live his life while I’m trying to mourn. He doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did.

Anyways, I got my period today which I’m oddly happy about knowing my body is going back to normal but I’m also more emotional than usual. I really wanted to send his mother this message:

“I hope you and your family are doing well. In the time I’ve spent around you, I’ve seen the kindness and warmth you show as a mother, which makes this message especially difficult for me to write.

On May 25th, I found out I was pregnant with Y/N. After many difficult conversations, we made the decision not to continue the pregnancy. On the weekend of June 6th, I went through the medical abortion process at his friends who was kind enough to lend us a room at his house. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life, because all I have ever wanted is to one day be a mother. I had the support of my family and Y/N, and I was grateful for that.

But a month later, before I had even begun to heal, Y/N ended our relationship. I was still in the middle of grieving the pregnancy as well as trying to recover emotionally. I was left to face both losses at once. What troubled me even more was realizing that this was not the first time something like this has happened. Y/N mentioned early on that his previous girlfriend had also gone through an abortion with him, and he ended that relationship soon after. I confronted him about it but he insists it was unrelated. However, the pattern is undeniable.

I know he didn’t want you or your family to know, and I regret going along with the story he created. For that, I apologize. I am not reaching out to punish him, but because I believe you deserve to know the truth. I’ve been through rough breakups and heartaches but nothing can compare to this. What happened has left a permanent mark and scar on me. I don’t want another woman to go through the same pain of carrying his child, making the hardest decision of her life, and then being left behind when she is most vulnerable.

Y/N has many good qualities, but when it comes to responsibility and care, he chose the easier path for himself instead of the harder path of standing by the woman who was suffering beside him. That choice, made more than once, says something that shouldn’t be ignored. “

I know it’s not a good idea to send but i think sending it on here anonymously instead feels good enough. I really do appreciate all the support. It’s been helping more than you all know. What keeps me going is having emunah in Hashem that everything happens for a reason and things will get better. As well as that Hashem is watching and sees everything. I don’t like holding grudges and I don’t wish pain upon anyone but right now I really hope that this will get back to him somehow. I know it’s bad to say and I really don’t want to think like that because at the end of the day, I do pray for him. I pray that he realizes what he did and acknowledges how wrong it was. I pray that he gets better. I pray that his soul changes for the better. I’m just so confused. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to be in pain and be filled with hatred and anger towards him…