Raised Reform/Secular/Culturally Jewish, started attending Conservative Synagogue services after not going for decades, very nice kehillah in Coastal US with about 500 members. Attending for a month, all services and some clubs and discussion groups, special events and dinners, a hiking group, and paying normal-low dues.
The Rabbi does a lot of outreach in area and is extremely warm, but has been very unexpected with me, not uncomfortable or inappropriate, but I am just trying to put my finger on it more clearly.
Is it normal, or even in the world of normal, for a Conservative Rabbi to text you all day long? For reference, I am in my 50’s, married (but not necessarily happily, a well known fact), and friendly. The Rabbi is divorced and has grown kids too. So I gave the Rabbi my number because he asked for it a few weeks ago, concerning an event in the community I offered to help with, and now he texts me about 5-20 times a day?
Nothing he says is inappropriate — although he “love emojis” all of my comments and wishes me “good morning,” “good night,” “sweet dreams,” and tells me about his day. He is about 15 years older than me and divorced, so I am trying to figure out if this is normal, or an expression of interest, or just that he needs someone to talk with and because I am new and we hike, he feels comfortable talking to me?
He has a girlfriend and other friends in the congregation, mainly older men.
He has a tendency to call on me in the shul too and has confided some personal things about his life and feelings. He also said I made him happy because Judaism was “dying” in this area and I was giving him hope.
But I can’t quite shake the sense that he has a romantic interest. Then again, he is very Israeli and Mizrahi and I am American and Litvak, so I wonder if I am misreading something cultural.
I honestly don’t exactly object if he is interested. I am in a slow-moving divorce, although he has a girlfriend but I don’t know if it’s serious. And he hasn’t crossed any lines, although I do have the sense he is a bit flirtatious, but again maybe he is just very Israeli and I am reading that one wrong?
He texts me photos of the beaches in Israel. Food I mention I like. Places I love. Photos of his mother and kids. He tells me all about his day. It’s sweet. But is this normal? And how can I understand what he is thinking? Either I am his dear friend who he feels comfortable with (he said I reminded him of one old friend and showed me her photo, and I did actually look like her, so maybe it’s a comfort thing?) — or he is interested in me and really holding back as much as, um, a lot of Israeli men, which is not always that well! The other night, he playfully was standing behind my car and I said, “Okay good night, that’s my car so I don’t want to run you over” and he jokingly said, “You have to stay in the parking lot unless I move!” It’s benign but I can’t tell what is motivating him.
He asked me to come to an event last night by text. I said I was reading Torah at home. He started texting me language lessons and heart emojis again on my comments. I sent him an emoji of a book in reply. That kind of thing mainly. Innocent, I think, but attentive.
So maybe it’s perfectly normal for him to text me and is just glad I have joined his congregation, which is mainly much older? We are close in age, our kids are the same ages, I have ties in my community, and we get along well after all.
Can anyone at all shed light on this? Or what I can do to figure it out? I want to know if this is a friendship issue or one of actual romantic interest (especially when he has a nice girlfriend who I know but she seems smitten by him, not the other way around…)
What is normal behavior for a Conservative Rabbi from Israel please? Because he is really just acting like most Israeli men I know.
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