“Marriage”

Hello everyone! I’m not Jewish, but I’m doing a deep dive into the Old Testament (Tanakh), specifically around what we today call “marriage.”

From what I’ve gathered so far, it seems that the Hebrew Bible doesn’t actually contain a single word that directly corresponds to the modern, institutional understanding of “marriage” — as a mutual, legal, or ceremonial contract between two people. Instead, the text describes a kind of union — often initiated by the man, and involving the woman being given or taken — but without using a dedicated word that means “marriage” in the way we mean it today.

Here are a few examples from the Hebrew: • לקח (laqach) — meaning “to take.” Often used when a man takes a woman as his wife (e.g., Genesis 4:19). It’s a physical or relational action, not a ceremonial one. • נתן (natan) — “to give.” Common in references to a father giving his daughter to a man (Exodus 22:16). Again, more about transfer or arrangement than an official “marriage” ritual. • בעל (baʿal) — literally “master” or “owner,” but also used to describe a husband in modern translations(e.g., Exodus 21:3). It seems to indicate a covenantal or possessive role. • איש / אשה (ish / ishah) — “man” and “woman,” which in certain contexts are used to mean “husband” and “wife.” But this depends on the surrounding words; there is no unique word for “husband” or “wife” in Biblical Hebrew.

What this seems to show is that, rather than defining “marriage” as we know it today, the Bible portrays unions between men and women through actions and relationships — taking, giving, knowing (sexually), dwelling with — but not necessarily through something formalized or contractual. In fact, the closest modern Hebrew terms for “marriage” (like קידושין, kiddushin) only appear in later rabbinic literature, not in the Torah itself.

Another observation: in the Torah, the man is always the one who acts — he takes, he acquires — while the woman is taken or given. There’s no indication that a woman could “marry” a man in the active sense. This structure seems to reflect a cultural norm rather than a defined institution.

And some good examples are Isaac and Rebekah, Deuteronomy 21:10 and others that I can’t remember. And even then, those accounts weren’t commandments by God were they? They seem to pop up as human customs regulating those unions.

It seems that the only real, foundational principle of this union is describe in Genesis 2:24 (literal, very close to original Hebrew):

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cling to his woman, and they shall become one flesh.”

These seem like extremely foreign ideas but foundational to Genesis 2:24 like all unions.

So my question to the community is: • How do Jewish readers and scholars today understand these early unions? • Would you describe them as marriage, or something else entirely? • And how has halakhic or cultural Judaism historically handled this language — does it reinterpret it as marriage, or keep the distinction?

I’m genuinely trying to understand the text in its own terms, not impose modern ideas on it. If anyone has sources, commentaries, or insights into how Jewish tradition has dealt with this tension, I’d be so grateful.