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I’m truly doubtful about my soul

Shalom. With all respect of this world and also apologizing for my mistakes (English is not my first language). I discovered some time ago that my mom’s side family were Jews who escaped from Germany and France during WWII. My great grandparents decided to grow my grandma as Christian because in my country used to be antisemitism culture. So, for long time I wanted to convert to Judaism but when I talked to the Rabbi he said I really don’t need to be Jew to be close to Hashem. But when I asked what will happen to people who follow Jesus after death, he said it depends… If the person was idolater or not.

But now my contradiction is… if I don’t need to convert to be close to The Lord but as I grew up as Catholic… But at the same time I’ve been idolizing my whole life and now it’s like a contradiction in my inside… Also, if I’m not Jew… Can I be able to have communication with him?

I’m sorry for my nonsenses… But I don’t know anyone to talk about this…

submitted by /u/Bornstellar_01
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Source: Reditt