I feel like i’ll never be enough in Torah for my boyfriend

Hi everyone, I don’t even know how to put this into words but I feel like I’m drowning inside.

Last summer, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to propose within the year. But he also said that what was holding him back was that I wasn’t “passionate enough” about Torah. That broke me.

Here’s the thing: I grew up with so much religious pressure from my parents. I was constantly told what to do, I had no space to breathe, and it left me traumatized. At one point, I walked away from observance completely.

But about a year ago, I made teshuva. I’ve been fully shomer Shabbat, keeping the chagim, going to Torah classes every single week. I really thought I was rebuilding myself, step by step, in a healthy way.

And yet… for him, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. He studies Torah almost every night with a group, and he wants to share and debate all the time. But: • We’re on completely different levels. • The topics are usually ones he chooses, and I have no background to even follow, let alone debate. • Sometimes, honestly, I just don’t feel interested in those specific discussions.

For me, my journey has been about healing. Choosing my own classes. Slowly reconnecting with Hashem without pressure. But he sees my lack of “passion” like it’s a disappointment. And I feel crushed. Like no matter what I do, I’ll never match what he wants.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to fall back into a place of religious pressure—it almost broke me before. But I also love him deeply, and I’m terrified this could become a dealbreaker.

Should I be talking to a rabbi about this? But his father is also a rabbi, which makes me even more confused about where to turn.

I just feel lost, stuck between my trauma and his expectations. Please… if anyone has perspective or advice, I’d really appreciate it.