Feelings of inferiority and also conflict as a Patrilineal converting

Do the feelings of inferiority ever go away? I’m at the beginning of an Orthodox conversion as someone who had (Z”L) a Jewish father and paternal grandparents but I consistently feel pain when I see people called up for an Aliyah and I can’t do anything. I know the process is a long one and I must take it slow in order to not burnout but I wish I didn’t have to wait. I’ve felt Jewish my whole life and I know while I may not halachically be a Jew, I still feel I have a Jewish soul. I certainly have suffered hatred for my background, although I don’t expect the Jewish people to change their definition of a Jew to appease my self-Identity or the antisemites.

I suppose this is a rant, but I truly love the Jewish people, but I feel pain when people turn their nose up at me at shul when they find out I’m converting and not halachically Jewish. They act like I was born magically from my mother’s womb without any contribution from my father, as if I spontaneously came into being. I don’t expect acknowledgement of status that isn’t mine, but I don’t need people to act as if it’s nothing. My paternal great grandparents suffered to keep alive their Judaism and while I may not be a Jew, they are my ancestors and their story is my story.

I also sort of wanted to ask a question at the bottom of this rant which is do you feel it’s wrong to convert for mainly ethnic identity reasons? I genuinely believe in a personal G-d and a divine covenant between HaShem and the Jewish people, but I’m not moved by this to be completely honest. I am moved by the Jewish people’s resilience in the face of assimilation and oppression and my desire to be Jewish is to gain status in order to join my father’s people. I do believe I will be metaphysically bound by the laws once I convert and if I don’t fulfill them it is a major problem. That said I am motivated to keep the laws and to be Jewish to begin with because it’s my ethnic heritage, the story of my forefathers, and its revenge against the antisemites who wish to destroy us (yes I say us because I view myself as part of the Jewish people if not by halacha then by blood).