Trauma, The High Holidays, and Forgiveness

(Please take my post down if it’s not within the guidelines.)

Since finding my way back to Judaism (my mom’s Jewish) I have noticed that I’ve been avoiding the High Holidays over the years.

As much as I would like to observe and attend services I feel conflicted around the area of forgiveness. And it really saddens and bothers me.

How can a person forgive someone who shatters an individual?

How can I forgive something that feels unforgivable?

In my case: How can I forgive a parent who has caused me severe harm that still negatively impacts me in every single area of my life? (A non-Jewish parent who was emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive.)

This also makes me wonder:

How did Holocaust survivors or other survivors forgive the unforgivable?

I have been going through consistent therapy for months and I still feel unsure how to handle this.

I would like to observe the High Holidays but I feel so conflicted about it.