Struggling with My Jewish Identity and Looking for Guidance

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling a bit lost when it comes to my Jewish identity and was hoping to hear from others who might have had similar experiences.

My whole family is Jewish, and I was raised somewhat Jewish—I went to Hebrew school for a bit and celebrated Jewish holidays growing up, but I never had a bar mitzvah. Over time, my immediate family started only celebrating Hanukkah, and I guess I never really connected deeply with Judaism, especially because Hebrew school felt boring to me as a restless kid.

That said, I’ve always had a lot of Jewish friends from school and summer camp, though my relationships with them have never really felt tied to religion.

Lately, I’ve found myself drawn to stories of people who say Christianity and Jesus have had a really positive impact on their lives. Something about the message of Christianity and the New Testament seems compelling to me in a way that Judaism and the Old Testament never did. (To be fair, I haven’t read the entire Old Testament because it felt boring to me, and I haven’t read any of the New Testament because, as a Jew, I’ve always felt like I shouldn’t.)

The thing is, being Jewish is still a big part of my identity. My whole family is Jewish, many of my friends are Jewish, and my grandmother is a Holocaust survivor who lost much of her family. The thought of turning away from Judaism makes me feel guilty and ashamed, and I’m struggling with that.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Are there any books or resources that helped you feel more connected to Judaism or more excited about it?

I know this might sound dumb, but this has been really hard for me, and I’d appreciate any advice or guidance.

Thank you.