Shomer shabbus but Shabbat is a trigger

Hey.

I (19 FTM) have a lot of trauma related to Shabbus. I’m currently breaking shabbus to make this post.

Shabbat is very triggering to me. I want to keep shabbus, but sometimes, especially when I’m alone, it can be very triggering and stressful to do so. I say I’m shomer shabbus but I feel like a liar because there are weeks when I just simply ignore the existence of Shabbat because to participate feels too scary and triggering. I normally just stay home and go on my phone which clearly isn’t ideal.

I can’t even go to synagogue a lot of the time because my abusers might randomly show up.

What does Halacha have to say about situations like mine and does anyone have any advice or suggestions to help?

• S