Seeking Advice from Jewish People

Hello,

I need general life advice that I cannot get in my local community. Ahead of time, yes, I have looked for posts similar to mine.

I only recently, as in the last two weeks at the age of 25, came to the realization that my entire catholic upbringing has been full of idolatry and antisemitism. I feel like an idiot. I never had any ill-will towards the Jewish people, but I grew up with and unconsciously held onto views that were inherently anti-semitic such as “The Jews killed the Christian Messiah.”

I do not know many Jewish people in real life. My family, all christian in background, would be horrified at any of what I said about the idolatry and antisemitism. I am alone in this realization since I fear contacting a rabbi locally as I know they are very busy and still feel ashamed at my utter stupidity at the views I used to hold.

Have any of you known any one in my situation before? Also, I love my family and they have never been anything other than supportive for my life and my career.

I want to serve Hashem but also not break my family’s heart as they are deep into christianity.

Thank you very much for your time.

-Michael