Reconciling How Hashem Sees Me vs What The World Wants.

Some people won’t like my honesty but here goes: Something that has become increasingly difficult for me is reconciling how (I hope) Hashem sees me versus the world we live in where I feel as a young woman everything is made to be about appearance and being sexually desirable. I say this as a 21 y/o girl who enjoys taking care of herself,fashion, Pilates, skincare, etc. Literally most of the content I see social media, even if about something entirely nonadjacent like reviewing granola, the girl is doing angles and faces etc to clearly come off as as seductive as possible. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of everything being so superficial and exploitative. Nothing is about real love anymore or real connection. Or they feign it for long enough to get what they want, then go. Why would you dream of manipulating the heart of another person, another sacred creation, like that? The same is true for you; why would you treat yourself so flippantly? Like your own mind and body are just an aside, an afterthought. Not a total miracle, a complete gift.

What does this have to do with Hashem? Because Hashem created all of us with purpose and unconditional love. We exist for Him as something far more than an object to sit still, look pretty, and make someone sexually enamored with us. We are also his children, always, no matter how old we get 💛 I feel like I am always anyalzing my every move through a male gaze, instead of Hashem’s gaze, and it is hard to get rid of this mentality. It’s like an automatic screening I preform without even thinking. And when I try to reroute, I feel silly.

What annoys me is people think that if you have this perspective you are a prude that cannot sympathize at all with why people engage in this kind of superficial dating culture we live in, or attention seeking TikToks. On the contrary I absolutely can sympathize; we are all human and seek attention and validation and have important physical/emotional needs. With decreasing rates of IRL relationships people are trying to feel fulfilled through likes, comments, lovebombing, even unintentionally allowing others to use their bodies with no love, no acknowledgement of how sacred we each are, just emptiness. But at a certain point you learn trying to satisfy the emotional need through physical validation only creates more emptiness. Any enjoyment is promptly replaced by a cold, lonely sense of being unsafe and estranged from oneself. The other person cares about you…insofar as to keep you around as an object at their disposable. In clawing so desperately to truly, be loved, you will ascribe to them lovely motives that frankly do not exist. Physical closeness cannot approximate intimacy anymore in a culture where we’ve perfected the art of Performative Intimacy. At the same time, it is the easiest way for someone to feel ‘seen’ sometimes. Learning that what matters most is being seen by ‘someone’ you can’t actually see is at times difficult. I don’t know.

Sometimes I have this very disturbing intrusive thought Hashem views me through this superficial male gaze too. I know this is a terrible thought but I am just being honest and wouldn’t think it if I could choose.