TLDR: Had a traumatic brain injury as a teen that caused avolition (not laziness—neurological). Makes even simple tasks feel impossible. Looking for other Jews who know how hard this is and/or how you have coped with it. Studying and learning anything is incredibly hard. Doctors or anyone with experience, please share your knowledge or advice.
When I was 15, I was in a bad skiing accident where ripped off half of my face. Seriously, the medic that first showed up on the scene, projectile vomited and then passed out. Unfortunately that incident is what turned into a TBI or a traumatic brain injury for me. The problem with being a kid in the ’90s, is that people weren’t talking TBI’s and most people didn’t even know what they were. One of the first symptoms I started developing was avolition. Medication has helped but not enough. Avolition at first glance looks almost exactly like laziness. And for the most part most doctors will simply write it off as laziness. When in reality, your brain produces just enough dopamine for you to start a project or some days it’s producing so little you can’t even start the project. You constantly procrastinate and you have zero control over it. The stigmatism behind it is awful. In my late teens, I went to my family doctor because I had started suspecting that what I didn’t know was avolition was something that might not be my fault. That same family doctor looked me dead in the eye and told me, “Sometimes G_d makes lazy people, maybe you’re just one of them.” Another revelation came when I didn’t have access to any caffeine. All the sudden, my avolition symptoms improved. That’s when I knew it wasn’t me. I’ve also noticed when I’m lifting very heavy free weights, my symptoms dramatically improve. If any of you are in this group have any mental health problems and it feels like you literally have to fight yourself all the time to empty the dishwasher or simple tasks and when you finally complete that small task, you feel mentally worn out because you literally had to fight yourself every step of the way, every arm movement every thought, is a constant fight. Is anyone out there, has any of these symptoms, please post below if you’re comfortable. Also if you’re a medical professional, and have never heard of this symptom and or know exactly what it’s about, please post below as well. I would very much like to have a clarifying conversation with you that may possibly help your patients.
What nobody really talks about is how heavy this stuff weighs on you, mentally and spiritually. Even though I know this chronic avolition symptom is not my fault, it’s really hard not to feel like you’re a moral failure all the time. For example, I know I need to study more and or learn Hebrew over the summer. This is a task that I have been not able to complete. If emptying the dishwasher is a struggle at times, imagine the exhausting willpower it would be to learn Hebrew and or regularly study from the Torah. It constantly feels like you’re moving through mental molasses. On top of all of this, my short-term and working memory has dramatically deteriorated.
Is anyone else here dealing with avolition or symptoms like this? If you’re comfortable, please post below. And if you’re a doctor or a medical professional, and you’ve either never heard of this or you know exactly what it is, I’d really appreciate it if you could reply. I’d love to have a conversation that might help others too.
submitted by /u/psytrance-in-my-pant
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Source: Reditt
