I converted about a year and a half ago and now live in a Jewish household with my born-Jewish partner. I attend a Reform synagogue but my beit din also had a Conservative rabbi on it whose services I attend occasionally. I ran into my Judaism 101 class rabbi recently and have been reflecting on how that year-long class, my one-on-one meetings with my sponsoring rabbi, and my personal reading of resources for converts all attempted to prepare me for what it would be like to start living a Jewish life. Here are my quick thoughts but I’m curious to hear those of other converts.
What was well-communicated (if not overcommunicated):
– That if you convert via a liberal form of Judaism you will not be accepted as Jew by the Orthodox world. This is like, the number-one message converts receive, and I gotta say I think it’s a little overstated. I’m an LGBTQ left-wing woman. I wasn’t exactly expecting to barge into an Orthodox shul and be welcomed to begin with. Plus, since converting, I’ve had great conversations with Modern Orthodox Jews, and I’ve learned that, as with anything, it’s hard to generalize about how individuals will feel and behave.
– That you need to support Israel. My views on Israel have changed since starting the conversion process, and while I have many strong criticisms of Israel I have also come to see the anti-semitism in a lot of anti-Israel rhetoric on the left. I welcome this expansion of my worldview. But I also encounter Jewish people who think converts don’t know that Israel is a touchy subject, or don’t know that a lot of born-Jews want us to just keep our mouths shut on the topic entirely. On the contrary, it was a regular topic between me and my sponsoring rabbi, and it was nice to occasionally take a break and remember that there is more to being Jewish than figuring out how to talk about Israel.
– That Reform won’t be taken as seriously. My rabbi made sure my conversion was up to standard with over a year of study, a paper, weekly meetings with her, a mikvah, and a beit din and still cautioned me about this, and also my partner initially didn’t think there was “any point” in converting Reform, so maybe it was just my circumstance but I definitely had to fight for my interest in the Reform tradition. I did ultimately request a Conservative rabbi on my beit din along with the two Reform rabbis, which my sponsoring rabbi supported wholeheartedly. It was the right call for me.
What was a surprise, or what could have been communicated more:
– That tikkun olam is a triggering phrase for some people and if you mention it as part of your desire to convert or something that inspires you to be a better person, people will read into it that you want to infuse an inappropriate level of political ideology into your Jewish life. It’s a beautiful concept for people who grew up being taught that we don’t owe each other anything. But I think intro classes and convert resources could do a better job fleshing out this topic, because it can be bewildering to think it’s this lovely idea of making the world a better place and then hear someone in the Jewish world react with suspicion.
– How to talk about anti-semitism with left-wing friends, acquaintances and colleagues. Converts are warned of hate crimes, the Holocaust, major stereotypes and conspiracy theories, but I don’t think resources for converts spend as much time on how to navigate the more openly stated anti-semitism of people who, for example, think Israel should be wiped completely off the map or imply that any complaint of anti-semitism is overblown. Converts can be valuable communicators and educators, we just need the tools––assuming born-Jews want us to feel comfortable speaking up.
What were your experiences? I would love to hear more examples and not just have this turn into a fight about the points above, but I recognize that I’m running that risk with these controversial topics!
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