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"You Have The Soul Of A Gioret!"

Hey Everyone 🙏💙

Just really feel the need to get some things off my chest tbh…

This was said to me very lovingly (31F) by a lovely Hasidic Ultra Orthodox man a couple of years ago – he and I loved each other and had a special bond. We’re not together today but I do cherish our time together. Myself, I’m Jewish, spiritual but grew up non-religious. Others would call me secular. Personally I see myself as spiritual, a radical monotheist and a panantheist.

When he said this to me, I was so surprised! Because I immediately told him – but wait why do you think that is? I am Jewish! How in any way a Gioret?! He then lovingly said – but your soul is like a gioret – curious, looking for truth and constantly wanting to know things about Judaism that seem to interest you! I smiled back and loved his thoughtful message and response. I think though that at the time, I wasn’t able to appreciate the depth of it the same way I think I am able to, today 🙏💙…

The funny thing was, ppl who are converts seem to always explain they feel like their souls are Jewish and always have been – whereas with me, I was always Jewish technically so that’s why the soul of a gioret was funny yet interesting to me…

These days I feel fascinated by converts to the Jewish faith. I love to follow women online who are or have converted. I think there’s a part of me that feels a bit…jealous I guess? Because they seem so passionate about the Jewish faith and do everything with such zeal and pure enthusiasm.

This leads me to how I seem to be feeling lately after doing some soul searching. I think I feel sad because I never felt that connection with Judaism – as in, the same way others really seem to be? I never grew up religious nor celebrated any holidays. Everytime there are holidays, I feel left out and see everyone celebrating and don’t feel a part of anything. Not sharing to complain but rather to explain how alienated I feel. That being said there are 2 really special & sweet Rabbi’s imo that I love to follow their content online – Rabbi Tovia Singer and Rabbi Mannis. I was lucky enough to exchange a few emails with Rabbi Tovia and he had been nothing but sweet, very lovely, warm and extremely Fathery!

When I was in the military, I was in a position where I felt a lot of responsibility because I took care of ppl especially a lot of men. And so felt called to wear a star of David when I finished bootcamp and my training. I wore it proudly but ever since I finished my service I haven’t worn it since, although it would be lovely.

I think the reason I am rambling and getting all this off my chest is because…I feel very lost religious wise in our religion. The religious connection is something that I find hard because there are a lot of things that just honestly make no sense spiritually to me. I just cannot reconcile with some things. I truly feel like Truth is Truth is Truth…and that the truth is BIGGER than Religion. Bigger than Spirituality. Even bigger than Judaism. I feel this way because…it just had to be. God is for everyone. And so there are things that just doesn’t sit right for me in our faith. Like for example even the word Goy – it seems so demeaning. I don’t like that seperation that’s done between us and others. And things like keeping Shabbat – if it’s so important, why isn’t it something that’s commanded by everyone? Again doesn’t make sense to me. I think it’s beautiful if it makes you feel closer to the Lord but again little rules and regulations make no sense to me. Other things like do not steal ect make PERFECT sense and are beautiful and universal to me and make so much sense spiritually…

I guess I just feel so lost. I love how monotheistic Judaism is and there are beautiful things in our faith that I respect and it’s lovely learning more. However there are other things that again…make no sense to me spiritually. They just don’t sit right with my soul. I don’t even know why this is upsetting to me? Because absolutely no one has been pressuring me to keep anything so on the other hand I don’t really know why I “care” so much about this topic. Maybe I just don’t feel like I belong I guess. I think I also feel dissapointed by spirituality in general and so feel lost.

I sincerely apologize if in any way shape or form I came across disrespectful and I am sorry 🙏

Would love to hear your thoughts? Thank you!

submitted by /u/DreamerOfTheDawn888
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