Why I am choosing to convert to Orthodox Judaism

Hi guys. A lot of you may recognise me from a little while ago. I made a couple posts – one having to do with my issues reaching an orthodox rabbi to sponsor my conversion, and the other one about an incident I had a while ago with my ex partner and what I could do going forward in order to heal (I was asking for what the Torah says pertaining to the problem I had). I got soooo much kindness and so much help from you guys; users such as u/ummmbacon and u/EngineerDave22 come to mind when I think about people who were really useful and nice to me. But however, I’m sure other folks know who they were, and I appreciate all of you 💖💖💖 (I deleted my old account because I was getting some trolling and bullying from people on other subs, and I needed a fresh start)

So I have a lot of Jewish friends (most Reform, but I have Orthodox friends too), and they don’t understand why I’m converting to Orthodox Judaism. Being born Jewish, they don’t get why anyone would want to have excitement and desire to follow all of the laws correctly, such as I do. While I understand their confusion, I have told them what I’m about to tell you guys. Hopefully some of y’all can understand people’s reasons for converting.

It all started when I dated my first boyfriend at 16. He is Conservadox and still a close friend of mine. I remember meeting his family and I was able to experience many yom tov and important Jewish life cycle events while I was with him for a year. I felt enthralled with Jewish culture and theology, and even though we broke up (I dated another Conservadox dude a little less than 2 years later, and we broke it off on okay terms), we remain good friends. After dating my second boyfriend and after we broke up, I realised that I had experienced what it was like to embrace Judaism with two different boyfriend’s families. I felt as though I had wanted to convert ever since I dated my first bf, but after my second, my beliefs were pretty much cemented.

I went to college in Fall 2019, and started to learn about the different denominations. I attended my campus’ chapters of Chabad and Hillel and met a ton of other Jews from different backgrounds. The senior educator for Hillel, who is a Rav, started sponsoring Wednesday evening Torah study, which I went to almost every week. I go to a college a little ways from LA, so I was able to be around many Jews. Unfortunately, the virus hit, and I was sent back to my home state. There are some Jews here, but not many. I have like 3 Reform friends, then my 2 exes, and a Chabad friend of mine: they’re the only Jews I really know here.

When I wasn’t working on schoolwork, I was reading Torah, meticulously studying Jewish ethics, law, customs, and history, and praying twice a day. My family isn’t Jewish (obvi) but I have started to kind of halfway eat kosher (meaning, I don’t eat the forbidden foods and I separate milk and meat, but it is still somewhat difficult to determine the kashrut of everything esp when I live in an area that doesn’t have a lot of Jews. When I go back to LA, I will eat kosher completely). By April 2020, I was fully convinced that I was born with a Jewish soul in a gentile body, and that Reform, Conservative, or any other denomination other than Orthodox was not appropriate for my conversion. Here are some reasons why:

• I don’t just want to know G-d. I want to be in covenant with Him. I want to do everything by the book and be fully devout and pious in any way I possibly can
• I’ve felt a driving force to convert coming up on 3 years. If it wasn’t G-d’s will, I would have grown out of it by now. But no, I keep coming back to Him, and I keep coming back to Torah. But this time I’m 110% certain, and I know what I must do now
• In August 2019, after I broke up with my second boyfriend, I knew I wasn’t living life the way I should and I knew I needed to accept G-d into my life and embrace Judaism as if I had grown up with it. I put my life in the Lord’s hands and I know that anything is possible as long as I am in covenant with Him. He is my rock and my anchor, and with Him, I know that all pain is just temporary, and He is preparing for me to live my best life as long as I trust in Him. I guess that you can say that I had a very intense spiritual awakening that made me decide that Orthodox Judaism was the CORRECT religion for me
• Other religions don’t fit. Not even other denominations. Believe me, I’ve studied the other Abrahamic religions and I just can’t vibe with them like I do with Orthodox Judaism
• I can see parallels between the struggles of Jews and the struggles of black people. I’m an 18yo black female in the US. I know some of y’all know what I mean when I say that I feel that Jews and black folk have had a lot of the same issues in their histories. I know there’s racist Jews and anti Semitic black people, but I see the connections between them and it makes me feel even closer to the Jewish people
• I know I want to embrace Judaism no matter what. I don’t care if I get anti Semitic hate thrown my way, or whatever obstacles there may be, I want to join the Jewish people and be in covenant with G-d until the day I die

Thanks for reading guys. That’s mostly it. If y’all want, shoot me a comment, and I would absolutely love to answer any questions anyone may have. Thanks for being such an accepting and peaceful community. 💖💖💖