I am a 16 year old jew who moved to the south. I used to live in the west, and didn’t really consider myself jewish. Then i moved to the south and got a temple when i was still depressed. even though my temple is a good temple, it really didn’t help me discover anything about myself and just made me fearful of judaism instead. I used to be into it a few months ago too. I didn’t really have those feelings. But then I discovered one of my favorite snacks weren’t kosher. and I FELT SO GUILTY. I was sweating buckets! I felt like God was mad at me for eating some stupid non kosher food. Anyway, while I was in Shul ( i still am), i stopped studying hebrew, i was like fuck this i felt so guilty about not eating kosher, this is not worth it to me. I just wasn’t interested studying a fucking hard language for a year for some stupid celebration for when you turn 13 that lasts like half a day lmao.
I had a lot of trauma when i moved (severe depression bc i had great family back home), and going to a temple while i was going through that trauma was NOT what i needed, now i had to do all these random traditions and shit i didn’t care about (the only holiday i pretty much like is shabbot and yom kippur anyway) I pray every night to God using the shma Israel, i kept praying for help (I wanted to stop my porn addiction i was/still struggling through). But pretty much nothing happened, then my parents found out, and i felt extremely furious at myself for getting into that stuff, but i still watch it now. I feel like God DOESN’T FUCKING HELP ME. WHY DID I HAVE TO MOVE TO THE SOUTH AND LEAVE MY FAMILY. I LIKE THE SOUTH BUT I MISS MY FAMILY, AND THE FAMILY I DO HAVE IS VERY LOVING TO ME. WHY ARE THEY NOT DEPRESSED BUT I AM. I HATE FEELING DEPRESSED AND GUILTY ALL THE TIME. EVEN IF I SEE THE ISRAELI FLAG I GET PHYSICALLY NERVOUS.
I AM SO FUCKING MAD I FEEL LIKE GOD DOESN’T LOVE ME. I DON’T WANT TO BE A JEW ANYMORE BUT THE SAME TIME I FUCKING DO BC I FEEL SO MUCH GUILT
SO MUCH GUILT.
I can’t believe i’m saying this but i actually hate being a jew i don’t know what to do.
what do i do
submitted by /u/DakoSuwi