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When do I start feeling like I “deserve” to embrace my Judaism?

I feel like I post a lot here, sorry! 😅

Anyway. My family on both sides is Jewish, but they raised me very secular. I’ve been reconnecting more with the faith recently, and I want to be a Jew. I want to wear a yarmulke—the point where I can almost feel it sometimes. I want to be visibly Jewish. I want a community and a culture.

And I’ve been trying. I’ve been reading up on Judaism whenever I have free time. I’ve been trying to be more “openly” Jewish—telling people if they ask, “Yes, I’m a Jew” instead of “It’s complicated.” I even plan to go to my first Shabbos observance/celebration/whatever tomorrow at a Reform synagogue!

But I still don’t feel like I deserve it. I feel like I’m not educated enough, or religious enough, or experienced enough to wear a yarmulke or even call myself a Jew. I also have a lot of criticisms of the Israeli government, although I wish zero harm on the citizens of Israel, and I’m worried that nobody will ever accept me because of that. I’m too Jewish for mainstream society, but too goyish for other Jews.

I know, rationally, that these worries are nonsense; nobody’s going to give me a test on Halacha and kick me out of the temple if I fail it. But… I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not a “real” Jew. Advice?

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Source: Reditt

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