Warning: this is just a rant bout the feeling expressed in the title. No one needs to read, it’s just an upset and emotional stream of consciousness, but any advice of words of comfort would be apprecited.
I (22F) grew up modern orthodox and have always observed holidays and shabbos with my family. I’ve always been to Jewish schools up until university, so I’ve always kind of been sheltered from the difficulties Tichri can present in the secular world.
I’m entering my fifth year in tertiary education, and it’s kind of slapping me for the first time. It’s a combination of holidays being much later than usual (my first day back will literally be on Rosh Hashana!), and me somehow always getting away with dealing with it.
To be honest, I prevailed once again and have a rough idea on how I’ll take advantage of every administrative loophole possible to be free on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, but still!
First, it kinds of make me feel sick that I’ll have to compromise on Sukkot. I don’t know how I’ll deal with that emotionally and logistically when the day comes, but I’m already very upset about it two months ahead of time.
Second, the administrative burden is gigantic. It cannot be understated how much work I need to do to get my schedule just right and arrange travel to be with my family. Possibly going to take me hours and hurt my reputation in a course with a fairly small cohort.
Third, it makes me quite anxious for the future. I’m stydying to qualify as a lawyer in the UK, and as part of that I’ll have to complete training in a law firm. Training periods most often start in September, and rarely in March. So basically, I’ll have to like “thank you for picking me amongst thousands of people to complete this highly selective and prestigious training contract, now I know I’m expected to work 80 hours a week, but may I please get 8 days off right off the bat?” The thought horrifies me already!
Not being able to spend the holidays with my family also really upsets me, even if it’ll just be sukkot this year and having to think about other holydays is still far in the future.
Anyway. Thank you if you read this very rambly post, I know it probably sounds stupid. My dad has been pretty dismissive of it (“you gotta do what you gotta do to succeed”) and my mom has been pretty harsh (“you can always find a way to be 100% observant if you really want to”). Neither of them have ever worked in the secular world, and my brother lives in Eretz, so I feel like I have no one to relate to.