Troubles with conversion

Just a note, this isn’t an attempt to dissuade anyone from conversion or to persuade anyone to convert in a certain way.

I’m on a Conservative conversion path. I’ve been studying with my rabbi since November of 2019, and for the most part it’s been a positive experience. My anticipated end date is somewhere around May-June of this year. But I keep bumping up against some issues and I’m unsure of how to handle them all.

My conversion classes suck, just straight up. I’m taking an intro to Judaism class, costs me almost $500, and I’m not learning anything that I hadn’t already googled before starting the class. I feel like I’m wasting my time and money, but the only way to convert to Conservative standards in my area is to go through this class. Additionally, this class actually doesn’t totally meet Conservative standards anymore (and I can see why). All of the conversion students that want Conservative rabbis to sign off on their conversions have to be individually evaluated because the classes have become increasingly focused on Reform ideology/theology, and increasingly few students are interested in being at all observant. It’s frustrating to learn so little about halacha within a group that is almost thoroughly disinterested in halacha.

The real problem, though, is that I’m ultimately interested in Orthodoxy and I believe that Orthodoxy is more on the right path than any other denomination. I don’t agree with every halachic conclusion within Orthodoxy, but I feel like it’s still the most “true” version of Judaism even though some things may be excessively strict. Problem is, I’m trans, so there’s no way for me to legitimately convert Orthodox (please don’t suggest OO: it’s not for me).

I feel like a fraud as a convert. I don’t fit in with my current community. I’m more interested in observance than everyone else, including my rabbi (she is one of many Conservative rabbis that has decided to hold Shabbat services over Zoom, which bothers me). Even if I finish my conversion I don’t feel like I’ll be halachically Jewish. My beit din won’t be halachically valid for sure since my rabbi will be on it, and she isn’t shomer Shabbos (which afaik automatically disqualifies her as a valid witness even within traditional Conservative communities). So not matter your interpretation of halacha or denominational affiliation, my beit din isn’t really halachic, and that bothers me. But, if I believe in Orthodox halacha (and I generally do, with some exceptions, though many/most of my opinions line up with minority Orthodox opinions, not sure if that makes them invalid or not), then I can’t ever halachically convert.

So here’s my dilemma: finish this conversion even though it doesn’t meet everything I’d like it to? find a new community that meets my expectations better (which may be possible since I’ve just moved and would be finishing my conversion mostly from a distance)? or just resign myself to being a more observant Noachide? To be perfectly honest, I hate all of these options. I wish Orthodoxy had a space for trans converts, though I understand the halachic complications that that would involve. And while I value the Conservative movement, I am so far displeased with what I’ve found. I’d consider my beliefs to align with traditional but egalitarian practice, and I haven’t lived in big enough Jewish communities to find that (and likely won’t for a while, if ever). My only realistic options right now are to stay on this conversion path, or to give up at least temporarily and resign myself to Noachidism.

I just need some input on this. Or to know that I’m not alone in my frustration. Or even some advice on potential communities. I’d prefer not to share my specific location in this post, but I’m in the Southwest US. If you think you have any potential communities, feel free to PM me for a more exact area or with any suggestions. Or just to commiserate if you’re somehow in a similar position.