So I’m at my frum friends house for RH and we went to chabad and I told the rabbi not to count me and that sucked – he was cool about it but having to say it sucked. Then we had dinner at the shul and my friend made sure I didn’t touch the wine and it made me feel like shit even more and I don’t even want to go to shul tomorrow to hear shofar. I feel so alienated from everything I know and sad. I feel like YK isn’t going to be any better at the conservative shul I want to convert at but I haven’t talked to the rabbi yet I do that Thursday. But in the meantime I feel lost, I can hardly daven or stay focused on any joy from the chag and it sucks.