struggling with forgiveness

Shalom and Shana Tova to all,

I’m in a sticky situation. I know Rosh Hashanah is about both repenting for your wrongdoings and forgiving the people who have wronged you, but I’m having a hard time forgiving someone. He’s nearly ruined my life—he started an absolutely vicious and untrue rumor about me, and it’s torn me apart. It’s cost me opportunities, friendships, and countless sleepless nights. My hair is falling out from the stress. I’ve started therapy again because it’s affected me so terribly.

I know he feels no remorse. I know he’s a selfish jerk who couldn’t own up to what he did so he threw me under the bus instead. He will never apologize to me for the pain he’s caused me.

I know I should forgive him and go into the new year with this burden off of my shoulders, but I can’t. Honestly, I hate him, I hate his guts. I hope he finds divine punishment and sees what a horrible person he is. But that’s antithetical to the spirit of Rosh Hashanah.

What do I do? I don’t want to forgive him, and I don’t feel like forgiving him, but I know that it’s what’s expected of me. Any advice is appreciated.