I almost posted this the other day but I didn’t out of hesitation. This is a really hard situation for me.
My best friend/ roommate wants to convert to Judaism. I’m almost done with my conversion and have a mikvah date set. She’s mentioned it several times and I’ve continually told her to reach out to a Rabbi if she’s serious.
This wouldn’t normally be an issue, except for the borderline antisemitism things she’s said. When I first converted, she made comments about how all jews are rich. Last week she made a joke about how I could pay the Rabbi to finish my conversion. When I bring these up she either tells me she’s apologized (even when she hasn’t, and I can’t convince her otherwise) or that it was a joke.
She came to me a couple nights ago and asked what I thought about her converting. What she meant was what I thought about the conversation process, but I interpreted it the wrong way. I told her it wasn’t my place to have an opinion. During this conversation, she told me she wanted to convert conservative bevause reform Judaism was just “watered down Judaism”. She got upset when I corrected her and told me it was a joke, despite myself explaining that Reform Judaism is just as legit as any other branch of Judaism. Ultimately, I told her it wasn’t my place to have an opinion.
She was angry- she said I was gatekeeping, I only wanted Judaism for myself, I didn’t want her in the same social circles as me because I didn’t think she was good enough, I was never supportive of her, etc. She also told me I ruined her chance to convert because she would never be comfortable being in the same classes/shul as me. She accused me of being jealous and said I thought she was just copying me (not true). She’s also accused me of just wanting to be oppressed in the past. She made fun of the hebrew name I had picked out because it “wasn’t me”.
She just texted me that she reached out to the same rabbi that’s sponsoring my conversion. I don’t know what to do because I was going to reach out to my Rabbi about this whole situation. She‘ll be going to the same shul as me, which i’m not comfortable with at all right now. She was also going to go with me to the mikvah (2 hour drive) and i’m also not comfortable with that now.
I talked to my Rabbi today, he said J can’t stop her from coming but i’m not obligated to to be the one to introduce her to the community. I keep thinking that maybe i’m just being selfish and I am gatekeeping. I’m so lost, i’ve been crying for 30 minutes trying to figure out how to handle all of this. What do I do?