As I retreated to a closed room in the house today to daven, I caught myself thinking the same negative thought, “haha who am I fooling davening just a little bit inconsistently, may as well not bother”
I think the most important thing, going into yom kippur, is to engrave upon one’s heart that every single positive act is precious. Even if inconsistently applied. Even if done with mixed motivations. We need to remind ourselves that every good thing we do is worth more than we can imagine.
The single biggest lie is perfectionism. What we do is worthwhile even if flawed, inconsistent, and impure.
Going into yom kippur, our plans for teshuva do not need to be grandiose renovations of our entire character. If we can do one small extra good thing once, that is already teshuva.