Snowy Night

It’s snowing silently tonight. I’m back at home from visiting my father’s evangelical Christian family. (My mother’s family is Jewish and I’m Jewish). I disagree with these people on the vast majority of issues. Politically. Philosophically. Religiously.

But I spent most of the visit listening to them. They think differently but they’re essentially good people. They’re my family and we have history together. The connection of relations. They were there at my birth. They were with me on a Christian holiday. I don’t believe Jesus was anymore divine than us. But I held their hands and we prayed to bless the food and remembered those who have passed.

Among them was my older brother this summer, an evangelical Christian like my father. He wasn’t worried about Covid, but it took his life in less than two weeks. His wife and four children were devastated. Although I didn’t see her this visit, I know she’s going through a terribly difficult time.

I had been attending a synagogue in my city, but I never joined as a member. I went to Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, but I’ve been essentially alone since.

I spent most of my adult life irreligious, but as an adult I came to believe in God. I connected with Judaism, but ultimately I want to go through the conversion process to learn what I didn’t growing up. I’ve been learning Hebrew a few years now.

I don’t know what this post is for really. To connect? I think I’ll talk to my rabbi soon. HaShem is kind. I feel unexpectedly blessed. Things are peaceful and beautiful tonight.