I’ve been learning and studying judaism for about 2 years now everyday. There’s not been a day i haven’t thought of judaism etc. Every friday i think of the shabbat- i do a mental observation. I have made many jewish friends and been to Israel several times. I recently found out that my dad that passed away when i was one years old was jewish but non practising, my mom is kurdish muslim (atheist now). Makes sense since my last name is super jewish. I know i don’t count as a jew by any means which is why i want to convert but i do not have the means to do so (i live in a place where there is only a reform synagogue).
I want to live a jewish life, i want to observe shabbat and i want to do the mitzvot. I feel like my soul is screaming and i just can’t wait, i want to do something that connects me with HaShem. It’s really frustrating and depressing!
My patience is running low and i’m sitting here considering reform conversion although deep down i know i won’t agree with their philosophy… but at least i get to meet other jews and do jewish things? I feel like i’m being selfish. But i just want to get close to judaism, and doing a reform conversion is the least thing i can do right now to be able to at least keep one mitzvah.
Has anyone else been in this deeply depressing and frustrating situation? I feel really sad thinking of how long i have to wait, possibly years to be able to convert orthodox.