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Should I try to attend a seder this year?

Both my parents have jewish roots. They dont tell me much about their pasts regarding that, but i do know my mother has a sephardic background with her family, and my dad was Hasidic. They had dabbled with christianity for a while and now my dad leads a synagogue, since as long as i can remember. I was raised with this weird mix of Judaism and very strict, conservative christianity, and it was very confusing kind of. We didn’t celebrate any christian holidays, but we held shabbos services and every single holiday/high holy day, except a few smaller ones. Since i left home due to their abusive behavior ive taken a long break from religion and only recently been trying spirituality. Last year I had wanted to attend a seder but got sick. Since then i’ve been deconstructing from the harmful beliefs of fundamentalist/evangelical teachings they taught me, and healing from religious trauma. I’m working on separating the hurt i received from others, from other people who are also jewish/christian, and its hard. Every time i try to attend the worship music/liturgy, i feel disconnected like i dont relate to what’s happening, it makes me feel weird and awkward and then i panic and freeze up, idk why. Getting involved in either religion has been something i’ve been trying to stay away from since i’ve been learning more, and i’ve found myself leaning more towards “universe”, “karma”, and “spiritual” feelings. Recently i feel like i actually miss the community, the fellowship, the formality/ritualistic aspects of the holidays, especially the seder. I actually miss it, i found myself getting excited over matzoh in the passover-kosher section at the store this week. I don’t know why. I even bought the kosher marshmallows and got my favorite matzoh since they had it in stock. The thing is im very far from home in a big city for school, and i have no idea about temples here. Should i try to find a synagogue to go to this year? Will they let just anyone go? Which sect would be the best? I’ve been thinking of reform but i dont know much about them, all i know is they seem laid back and nice. What should i do? Is this desire to attend genuine? Will i be accepted? Should i even go if i am questioning my beliefs? I dont even know what i think about god anymore but i still kind of want to participate in the culture i’ve known since childhood. Can someone please explain 🤌 TLDR; i’m struggling with my beliefs but want to attend a seder this year, and i’m far from home for school, and i dont know what do or where to go

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