hello all! i know this sounds a lot like practically every other conversion post here but I have a few have questions about converting. I grew up vaguely Christian but wasn’t really connected to it- something seemed fake or off to me. I couldn’t really connect with the idea of god (g’d?) at all. I figured maybe it was just a Christianity thing and I did a bit of research about Islam as well but it really didn’t fit me at all for the same reasons as Christianity. I can go into more depth about this if necessary.
I’ve been interested in Judaism for a long time. I’ve always found the history fascinating and always felt such a pull to it. My distant cousins are Jewish and I celebrated hannukah with them years ago as a child and since then I’ve been intrigued. This might sound a bit weird but I had a 6 month relationship with a NJB, and in the process I found myself learning so much more than I had on the internet. I grew even more interest and pull towards Judaism as I learned more about the culture, small in-jokes, and way of life from him and his kind family. I have done even more research and had many conversations with my Jewish friends about their faith and I truly believe I want to convert. I have also had general discussions with a rabbi about her faith and conversion and it pulled me in even more.
The problem is I’m still shaky on the idea of a god. I would love to believe in God but I’m a bit skeptical. I know that there are secular Jews and I feel such a strong pull to Judaism that I truly want to look into the conversion process. I know that a core part of Judaism also is questioning and truly trying to learn. I guess my main question is can I go into the conversion process doubting the existence of god?
Sorry if this is phrased weirdly, I’m on mobile so horrible formatting. Also I hope this doesn’t come off as I’m shopping for religion, I have been interested in conversion for several years now.