Hello all. I know most won’t see this till after Shabbat.
I’m very serious about keeping Shabbat, and don’t want to break it at all. But I have a really hard situation. We are in lockdown, and I have bad mental health challenges, and live alone.
My LOR instructed me that due to the mental health challenges, if I feel my mood going downhill, I should do whatever I need to prevent it getting worse as a matter of pikuah nefesh (and yes, worse is a slippery slope to very serious problems – use your imagination). While I would normally not turn on a light on Shabbat, I’m apparently allowed to get online if it keeps my mood stable.
But I try to have other things to do to avoid this. I mean everything you think is permitted, I do. Torah study. Reading. Napping. Puzzles. Walks. Torah study. More Torah study.
It’s just…the longer we are in lockdown the less they work. I prayed (alone), said kiddush (alone), sat down (alone) to eat, and just…couldn’t take it. I’m so lonely I can’t eat, and started feeling on the slope downwards. So I got on here to feel connected somehow.
I hate this, guys. I don’t want to be on a computer on Shabbat. I’m beginning to dread Shabbat, and I feel like the longer we are in lockdown the more likely it feels like I’m losing it – both Shabbat, and my mind.
I could just burst into tears. The thing that’s supposed to keep me safe (heter to be online on Shabbos) is making me miserable, and Shabbat is also making me miserable.
Any commiserators out there?