Here I am on a lovely Shabbos afternoon in the house I grew up in commemorating my mother at her Shloshim.
I’ve already lost count at how many N-words and “schvartzas” were said in conversation, directly to me. This is something that would’ve tremendously upset both of my parents. I was taught at a very young age how disgusting these words and beliefs were I was taught to be a good decent human being. I felt their Neshamas come down in the actual Moment.
But I kept my mouth shut or more often just walked away. Typically, I’m one to aggressively call out crap like that and get very confrontational if need be. I don’t know why but in this scenario I just kept it moving. Maybe because I already knew the BS apologies/rationalizations to follow and I just don’t have the patience to deal with clowns anymore. I’m beat up. I lost my dad 4 months ago. Lost my Job 6 weeks ago. I got engaged 5 weeks ago. Then lost my mom 1 month ago. All I want is for these events to be over as soon as possible and to be as far away from some of these people as possible.
These are people I haven’t seen in over 20 years and likely have no clue my fiancé is black but that shouldn’t even matter. It just guts me, for humanity. For my wife. For god willing my future biracial children.
I truly can’t comprehend the level of ignorance I just encountered in a 20 min span.
Where did this all start? When? Do they all teach their kids this nonsense too? Do the rabbis support it? Surely they must know their congregations are filled with bigots right? Surely they know the dangers involved in allowing these people to spew hate, right?