(1)I live in the south. There aren’t any synagogues/shuls here. The nearest ones are multiple cities away, but I have a question for a rabbi. So here I am. I’m not Jewish. But I believe that Judaism is the true religion. And for now, I’m content with being a righteous gentile (but I think maybe later I would like to convrt). I have a very rocky relationship with my parents. I recently blocked my dad and I have no intention of communicating with him again and I don’t like my mother either (but we live together and I take care of my mother because she’s unemployed (she’s been unemployed since I was ≈15 and I’m 21.) I REALLY really don’t care for them. I don’t even think I even love my parents. I know that Noachides aren’t obligated to honor their parents (not included in the 7 Laws of Noah), but I’m very conflicted. I know that if I want to convrt later then this is something I need to have settled. I watched a video by Rabbi Manis Friedman and he said that you [Jews] aren’t obligated to love your parents but to honor them. How?? What exactly does that mean?? My goal is to completely detach and disappear from them, but how do I still honor them?
(2)Since I’m a Noahide, I’ve read The Divine Code. I’m trying to navigate how to avoid social murder and Lashon Hara. I try to avoid saying negative things about other people, but my mother gossips a lot. How do I avoid engaging in these things without disrespect my mother?
I titled these questions are for a rabbi, but I would also appreciate advice from anyone else (as long as it’s religiously based).