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psychiatric hospital admission

After October 7th I began to spiral downward to the point that on January 5th I signed myself into the inpatient psychiatric unit. I was obsessed with the war, the antisemitism (both globally and super close by in NJ and NYC), the hostages, and all of the horrible death… also became heavily invested in my own family history, 3 relatives were killed in pogroms in the USSR in 1920.

I became so paranoid, I followed Within Our Lifetime on Instagram and was convinced I was going to be killed by them for being Jewish. I became paranoid about my children’s safety — my preschooler attends a preschool that is housed inside of a synagogue.

I was obsessively writing emails (drafts unsent mostly) to local and state politicians, board of ed members, town council; local “social activists” who are absolutely uneducated fucking idiots… I spent 3 months struggling to make ppl see my fucking humanity, essentially, and it was for nothing. It only hurt me. No one fucking cares.

Some of the mental health workers said I have trauma. It certainly feels like it. My diagnosis officially is OCD and major depression. I am supposed to completely obstain from any information about the antisemitism and the war. I have deleted Facebook and Instagram and X; but I still subscribe to the Free Press and I do have temptations to listen to certain podcasts.

My heart is in the tunnels in Gaza with the hostages, but I have to keep my heart, mind, and body here with my husband and children.

I’m on leave of absence from work. I’m out of the hospital but attending an intensive outpatient program now…

As the war goes on and all the horrific and disgusting antisemitism with it, I just have to find my place in it, and it feels selfish to remove myself from itbut is necessary for my survival and for my family.

I just ask that someone let me know when we’re past the tipping point. when do I really have to prepare our passports and leave. when is my voice really necessary… or will the grown-ups in the room — the actual people in charge — protect humanity and civilization from this ugly scourge of inhumanity and Jew hatred that has plagued us?

submitted by /u/rsb1041986
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Source: Reditt