So something happened tonight and I’m upset about it, and so I’m writing on here (I don’t normally write on Shabbath).
I have very severe PTSD, and I was at the Chabad rabbi’s house for dinner tonight. And during dinner I had a very bad PTSD episode/panic attack, where I hyperventilated, fell down, couldn’t respond, couldn’t hear, kind of like a seizure. It was awful.
They ended up calling an ambulance for me but I came out of it by the time the ambulance arrived. I have these episodes at home, at night, and usually never in public.
I feel so embarrassed and I know that they didn’t break Shabbath because they were acting in the interests of pikuah nefesh (since I could not respond, and they didn’t know what was wrong), but I feel terrible that they had to call on Shabbath and also, their little child saw me fall and it scared her. They aren’t angry at me or anything,. I also lose the ability to speak during these episodes and when I came out of it the EMTs had me write what I wanted to say, which means I broke Shabbath myself. I just feel awful.
Now I’m home and I’m safe and want to go to bed but I can’t sleep because I feel so embarrassed. This is stupid. I’m just ranting. This place feels like a community for me in a way. Thanks for listening.