I [35M] grew up in the UK, belonging to a reform synagogue. These days I am secular. “Culturally Jewish”. I have a partner [31F] who has a complex relationship to judaism. She is not halachically Jewish, but has strong ancestral ties to it. She is currently exploring and defining her relationship with Judaism, and I am supportive of this. She has recently mentioned the idea of converting to me, but is specifically talking about an orthodox conversion. This makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I have not had an orthodox upbringing, but I have worked in orthodox jewish schools and been amongst the orthodox community enough to know that I live my life a very different way and do not feel at home at all in any way with that community. I’m worried about how incompatible the orthodox way of life is with my own. Worried about the conversion process, and how it will impact our relationship. Worried that she will come out the other side with completely different values. Worried that I will lose her to this. I have always felt that having a jewish partner is a bonus, but not a prerequisite. If she never converted I would be OK with this, or wanted to convert to reformed judaism or something similar. If I was swiping on apps and saw someone jewish who makes it a point to mention in their profile that they keep shabbat, I felt they were “a bit too Jewish for me”. I feel really conflicted about this whole thing. I will not make any effort to stand in her way if she decides this is the path for her, but I think we may need to part ways for her to peruse it. I really love this girl, but I’m just not sure how this can work. I am absolutely not prepared to start being observant as it is completely at odds with my personal values. I’ll drive on shabbat. I’ll eat a bit of bacon or have a cheese burger. I’m not interested in attending shul. I don’t want to have my lifestyle dictated by judaism.
I could really use a bit of perspective. Just shouting into the void really. Am I being too harsh in my view of the challenges this would bring to our relationship? Does anyone have any relatable experiences?