I have been trying to put this together for days and haven’t been able to come up with the right way to phrase my hashkafa.
Basically, I’m a sephardic guy from a “modern” home (with one parent significantly more observant than the other which complicates things). My parents eventually divorced.
I grew up keeping shabbat/kashrut, going to a Jewish day school, etc but stopped keeping shabbat shortly after the divorce when I was 14 and went to public school for my last year of high school. Once I got to college, I B”H became more observant than I had ever been (with the natural ups and downs).
I spent my entire 4 years of college away forming an extremely close relationship and learning regularly with yeshivish litvish rabbis and have been itching to go to a specific haredi ashkenaz baal teshuvah yeshiva in israel for the past few years and would like to do that part-time for a while before/during marriage but as of now, I have never spent time in yeshiva before.
During the last few years, my dad got married to a very haredi woman from Israel and grew significantly while I started to leave behind some of the “modern” ideas I grew up with in a modern orthodox jewish day school.
Now I’m kind of between a rock and a hard place because, especially in the NYC area, modern orthodox can mean a lot of things, some of which I don’t/no-longer agree with but I think that it would be misrepresenting myself to call me yeshivish or something like that at this point even though that is the general direction I am trending in.
The closest thing I can think of is something like “Modern Haredi” but that sounds kind of laughable in the US.
Sorry for the rant but I would appreciate any ideas.