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Miscarriage, Mourning Rituals, and Why I Love Judaism (Obvious TW)

I wish I hadn’t learned the sanctity of Jewish mourning practices as a mourner and not as an adjacent family member, but I wanted to share that there is definitely a reason for them. There is nothing more comforting than being surrounded by people you love (and that love you) during one of the hardest times in your life. There is nothing more caring than people taking care of the minutia of your day so you don’t have to deal with it on top of grieving (or in the case of a miscarriage, the mental and physical loss/process).

I recently had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, and while I know that Halachically Judaism wouldn’t consider the fetus a person, I consulted my Rabbi and adapted some of the Jewish mourning customs.

We held a modified Shiva- our house was open to a visitor at a time, friends and family brought us food. After surgery, we held a small memorial service as a family to acknowledge the loss of what we had hoped for and acknowledge the presence of the fetus in our life and lit a yahrzeit candle. As a family, we went to Shabbat services for me to Bench Birkat HaGomel and to say Mourner’s Kaddish.

I am so grateful Judaism has these practices, as they have helped me grieve and acknowledge the loss. I know that I am in a better place mentally for having done this.

I know, again, that Judaism wouldn’t consider a 12wk fetus a being. However, [with approval from your Rabbi, if needed], if you are ever weathering this same storm, I would highly recommend doing some of the Mourning Rituals for closure and acknowledgement.

One of the most beautiful things about Judaism is that you are never alone. From womb to tomb, the community is always with you and supporting you. If anything, this has made me even more appreciative of being Jewish and having these rituals and customs. They are powerful and done for a reason.

submitted by /u/Sunflower6876
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