Have a 16 bmi. Somewhat intentionally don’t eat. Lost 5% of body weight in like two months & still losing… used to have a 19 bmi. Struggling to emotionally get myself to eat but I also do eat… I seem healthy enough to fast. Feel guilty to not fast. Can’t obviously tell anyone this in real life.
I guess I struggle to want to be alive at some points and somewhat starve. Better than going through with dark plans or thoughts (involving only myself) that’ll emotionally hurt people since they’d know I obviously committed something….
Anyways, I feel guilty to make myself lose more weight and at the same time feel guilty to not fast since i’m orthodox. I feel like I’m mentally at a point where I want to starve myself and fasting would prob make me lose a lot more weight and kinda feed into this dark mindset of mine (where I want to hurt myself). And then it just feels wrong to also not fast b/c i’m not sick. Have never been in this position before.