Hi all, here goes.
I’ve always kind of felt a pull toward Judaism that I don’t feel about other religions but every time I’ve considered going to a service I’ve been intimidated because I’m kind of shy and I’m worried my ADHD would make me fidgety or make me seem like I wasn’t taking things seriously.
I spent my whole life wanting a horse more than anything, making major life decisions around this, and finally got her 3 months ago. 4 days away from the 3 month mark, the vet discovered she had fairly severe kissing spine and will probably need spinal surgery with a 6 month rehab, this after spending the first month with ulcers. Still waiting for foot xrays which may determine if she needs to be euthanized. I’m crushed and I’m just not bouncing back like I usually do after trauma. I’m taking the next 2 days off work because I just can’t function.
I’m just trying to parse and process why so so many things have gone wrong in this experience I’ve wanted more than anything in the world and trying to find meaning in this. I don’t want to feel like G-d is spiting me. A friend mentioned a Talmudic commandment against harming animals/more broadly about our duty to take care of them and someone said to me that maybe G-d had me end up getting her and having the prepurchase exam not detect her problems because He knew that I would take good care of her. I don’t know.
If anyone could offer insight or maybe point me in the direction of writings that address this kind of thing in broad strokes or talk about our duty to animals or our relationship with them it would be a big comfort right now. Thank you.
submitted by /u/caudicinctus