I’ve lost faith in being Jewish.

Synagogues where I’m the wrong kind of Jew. Synagogues where I’m the wrong colour skin. Now in some of the hardest days of my life friends have abandoned me because “too negative” yeah well fuck me for being negative about the insane shit I’m surviving.

And as good of a Jew as I was it doesn’t mean anything. There’s no community. There’s no care. There’s nothing.

I can’t daven without getting so angry and bitter. So I just don’t. Because why would I want to feel that way when all I want is peace.

And I just don’t see any way out of this despair because Hashem thought it ok to destroy someone’s life over and over again. When’s my chance to just have a happy normal life? When’s my peace… and if doing my best isn’t good enough what’s the point… death is the only solace.