I’m going through what amounts to my third(?) crisis of faith in the last decade.

I was raised Catholic but left the faith when I was in high school, for various reasons. I drifted for thirty years as a hardcore atheist, then as an agnostic. A year and a half ago, a botched suicide attempt led me to Judaism which I practiced up until I had a horrible experience with Birthright, then returned to the Church. I was due to receive my Confirmation in a week but that got postponed as a result of the world going to hell, and I don’t know what to do. Does G-d want me to go back to being a practicing Jew? Does He hate me?