In the past, I’ve been good about YK. In senior high school, my anxiety and depression really roared up like they do for people around that age. I’ve had my ups and downs since then, sometimes doing well with holidays and sometimes not.
I’m drowned in school and am having the big yearly “you’ve been such a bad person why do you even live you won’t make it to heaven…” depressive spiral. It doesn’t help that myself and religion have a shakey last, with fear of g-d driving my actions (at times) more than anything. I have this depression all year round, too, but this holiday gets me. Midterms plus all this is real bad timing. I planned on eating a little, but might not due to having no time (win win?). I’ve tried a few ways to think of going to a service, and it’s out of the question….there’s no time.
I am not asking for help, I have a therapist. Trust me, this is well beyond Reddit’s pay grade (and bad timing). I won’t go into too much detail, just because it’s late anyways. I usually do one of three things….avoid YK entirely so as to not deal with my possible spiral, go to a service and have a hit or miss with my depression, or end up losing it with varying results (none that have been too harmful…if you don’t count mini breakdowns, at worst, harmful). I don’t trust myself to handle it right now. I wish this was a lame excuse, but it’s not. I’ve learned what ignoring my mental health leads to.
Anyways, maybe some small prayers or things I could read while I have some spare time (waiting for something or taking a short break)? I’m sorry this is so late and long, but I want to try.