I’ll finally living a Jewish life again after new years. I’m doing it alone.

My (20f) mom had raised me as a casual jew, which I appreciate. She never forced me to go to synagogue (since she didn’t go, herself) and we only really celebrated Hanukkah. I treasure the memories of when I was young and celebrating with her. She’s a changed woman now, and alcoholic, and now doesn’t leave her room or speak to me. It’s given time for me to focus on learning all about Judaism, whether that be our beliefs or traditions or customs. I come from an Ashkenazi family but I’m isolated from them due to my grandfather on my moms side. (My father and his side of the family are catholic and out of the picture) Now, I don’t even have my mom to enthuse to about all the new stuff I have learned about our culture. My grandmother is a Jew-Bu and while she’s very happy to hear, my mom always comes up in conversation. I don’t have many friends, and I don’t know about the status of my current relationship. I feel quite alone in my journey. I know God is there and I find comfort in it, however it’s still painful. It’d be nice to have a friend to help teach me, or at least be responsive to my journey, maybe I’ll make one this new years, but it still sucks.

Thanks for letting me talk here. I appreciate it.