Can someone here answer this question… All my life since I was very little I felt a promise in my heart that G-d was going to watch over me, protect me and guide my path. I felt it in my soul.
ff to now and I am almost 50, I have had a life of tragedy, suffering, pain and a chronic illness that is torturous. Add to that, none of things near and dear to my heart have been realized. No wife or children to speak of, I can not even pay my own bills, I dont even currently have a home to call my own, and I am afraid that if things keep up this way I will be dead soon.
My question is, why would G-d lie to me? Why put all these thoughts and feelings like he was going to watch over and protect me, guide my path to happiness and prosperity, only to not only not do any of those things but actually quite the opposite? If a leaf blows across the road it is G-ds will? So to then must have been the way I felt in my heart, always wondering if THIS time when I pray G-d is going to follow through with his promise he made to me…. but now nearer and nearer to death and amounting to almost nothing in my life… When I think about this I am brought to tears. I feel like G-d hates me and has rejected me . A derision – a laughingstock. What did I do to earn his displeasure not only that he would punish me but set me up to think that things would be well for me when they have gone horribly, horribly wrong?