i wish i had been more connected with my religion

title says all really. i wasn’t really brought up jewish, only went to hebrew school because my friends were doing it and got pulled out when they wanted more money because i was in special ed, don’t remember a thing because of memory issues. since then i’ve been pretty well estranged, even renouncing the religion in my teens, only just coming back into the “fold” (if you could even call it that considering how little i practice) when i was 20

i feel like my lack of being brought up jewish caused more trouble than it was worth. for a time i stressed deeply about my spirituality; there were a few religions i was considering but judaism felt like and will always be home turf to me, nothing else clicks quite as much as judaism does

but even now i still struggle with how valid of a jew i am. my mom and her mom are jewish, so there’s no question about that… but i don’t have the know how that other jews do. i still have a sense of being entirely estranged because i have no ability to go to my local synagogue.

if i could go back in time i’d do this all over again and be more involved. not having a community that i can relate to and bond with stresses me out.

really hope i used the right flair, apologies if not